Wednesday, February 25, 2009


"Greedy" is an epithet often aimed at bisexual people. It reflects the myth that we are all oversexed and promiscuous, insatiable and indiscriminate sex fiends. I heard it first from my own father, oh I don't remember when, but I do remember the way my stomach clenched up at his tone. Even though I identified as straight at the time, that was quite an argument. I may have cried. Funny how we know things, even when we don't. Our bodies know what the mind forgets.

Or maybe my body just knew that I am greedy. I've always been a highly sexual person, ever since I can remember, since before I knew what shame was. I love sex, I glory in sensation, I crave touch. I take as much as I can, when I can get it.


What does that mean, anyway, in the context of sexuality? When did sex become a non-renewable resource? Am I taking something away from other people if I check out twice the number of people in the supermarket? Greed is a moral judgment that implies selfishness, and conversely that restraint is altruistic, that it benefits others. It says that if you take as much as you can, as you want, you're taking something away from someone else. But how would restricting myself to one gender benefit anyone?

When you say "greedy" to me, here's how I want to answer: envious.

You wouldn't think I was greedy if I wasn't taking something you wanted. Wasn't doing something you wanted to do. Maybe you don't know it. Maybe you only know it in the clench of your stomach, in the ache of something (yearning) in your chest. A sense of privation. Your body knows, even if you don't. Makes you nervous, doesn't it? Makes you wonder about yourself. So you lash out at me.

Well, I have news for you. There's plenty of partners out there for everyone. I can't fuck all of them at once, even if I wanted to. And in fact, I'm actually very picky about my partners and will remain celibate for long periods of time if no one I want is available.

Still, I am greedy, in a sense. In the way you meant: refusing to choose. Refusing to give up half of myself. Wanting and taking both/and. But I'm not taking any pleasure away from anyone else. That's all you. In fact, the more greedy people there are in the world, the more sex there is for everyone! It's a self-renewing resource. Isn't that nifty?

Don't begrudge me what you deny yourself. And if you don't want it, why do you care?